A pitchfork, a blanket and a 6 pack

By Morgan Silas Donnelly


I do some of my best thinking in the shower.  Some folks sing, I think and send out gratitude for the wonderful life I have here on this little blue ball of a planet on the edge of nowhere.

Today, I was whining explaining to the Universe that it was very unfair to be dropped down here without a few tools for dealing with the heaviness of 3D living.  A few little things like telekinesis or unlimited money would certainly help with the drudgery of day to day living!  A show of hands if you agree?  Exactly!!

So after very respectfully and rationally explaining myself, I took a moment to relax into the warm shower spray.  I said to the water “it’s like being dropped off on a deserted tropical island with a few basic tools and NOTHING else!!  Some preposterous tools like … like …”  I got an image of a pitchfork in my mind.  “Yeah, like a pitchfork on a deserted island!! and, uh …” I then got an image of a blanket.  “Yeah, like a blanket too.  What the heck good is a blanket??  Oh and an image of a 6 pack of beer!!  Yeah, like that will last more than a day!!  It’s exactly that Universe!  A pitchfork, a blanket and beer.  What the heck good will those do!?”

Completely satisfied that I had suitably impressed the assortment of jumbo sized shampoo bottles with my impeccable and irrefutable logic, I relaxed again.  I turned around to enjoy the warm water dancing off my by now cold back.

My mind cleared and I enjoyed the moment of being king of my domain.  My domain being all 3′ by 5′ by 8′ of the shower stall.  Then I remembered how useful a pitchfork was when I was growing up on a farm.  The obvious answer is moving loose plant matter around but there are some pointy bits to a pitchfork that can be used to gather food or perhaps fend off an animal that considered me a tasty morsel.

Huh.  I did a couple stretches to ponder this and survey my domain.

Yeah, the blanket was good for those cool nights when the sun went down.  Yep.  Check!  Perhaps a tent or shade from the blazing tropical sun.  Yep.  Check!  It can also be used for carrying coconuts or wood.  Cut into strips, it could be used as a bandage or even a tourniquet.

Huh.  Ok, ok Universe, a multipurpose tool and a way to regulate body temperature are actually, maybe, a couple of good things to have when stranded miles from civilization. “But!!!” I exclaim as I spun around to face the shower head in my best impression of a TV show lawyer, “that 6 pack of beer!  Absolutely ridiculous. I would have it drank in a day.  Two days at most.”  I reach for my razor and start taking a day’s worth of stubble off.  Daydreaming and smug that I may have lost 2 of 3 points of contention but I have totally got this last point in the bag.  Totally.  Power down the loudspeakers, fold the chairs and turn off the lights as you lock the door on your way out; this contest is over and the human W-O-N!  Yeah baby!!  Yeah!!!

I took a stroke with the razor and nicked my face.  “Dang, I’ll have to … …”  Wait a minute, alcohol is a disinfectant.  In an extreme emergency, pasteurized beer could be used as a sterile solution to wash out a nasty wound.  “No no no!  I won this argument a long time ago, uncaring silent Universe!  I am king here!” … “Wait a minute, the empty bottles could be used as water bottles, carrying water from the stream a mile away to my camp here on the beach”.

Huh.  If I break a bottle in a certain way, the sharp glass could be used … could be used to cut food, or bark or even the blanket to make a tourniquet.

AAAAAARGGGGGH!!!  I was winning and now my ace in the hole was snatched from my grasp too.  AAAAAARGGGGGH!!!

I turn the shower off and step out to grab a tissue for my cut.  It’s not that bad now, almost closed off.  I look in the mirror and acknowledge that a pitchfork, a blanket and a 6 pack of beer would be very valuable flotsam on a deserted island.  It just depends on how you look at your tools available at the moment.



Author Name: Morgan Silas Donnelly: A daydreamer believer who recently came to realize just how magical life can be, this is Morgan’s first article.  Morgan can often be found revelling in the majesty of the people and vistas of the Pacific Northwest. Readers can reach out at morgansilasdonnelly@gmail.com




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