Not dwelling on it…
Years ago I was what is considered clinically depressed….
I had a peak experience which was to undo this. I was reading the Eagle’s Gift at the time; living in a two room apartment in the city where i was. I had been out and about wondering the parks and street… i often did!
I got home late – and was unable to sleep. I was preoccupied by my depression. I felt like the literal interpretation of the cloud that used to follow the Adam’s family around. Because i couldn’t sleep i decided to dip into my book – and hopefully fall asleep eventually. I read a few pages, however, i was too distracted to read as well, and was contemplating my predicament. Then i saw i realised that the thing that was destroying me was my internal dialogue!! It was the constant analysis of my depressive thoughts – in fact all my thoughts were caught in a loop of introspection. I was in deep analysis of my feeling. And because i wasn’t feeling ‘good’ this fed into my thought pattern – which in term made me feel worse. The dreaded infernal internal dialogue; I was deep in self-reflection and in a constant process of questioning and analysing myself. Why am i depressed?
What can i do to alleviate my depression? How long is this going to go on? so on and so forth…
Then the RULE emerged – and the voice of seeing – which simply said “STOP PROCESSING THE DEPRESSION”
Instantaneously, as the processing Stopped and the thoughts subsided and the internal dialogue ceased. I silently opened my book, and was dumbfounded, when after i found my place, i read that Don Juan was actually talking about depression in the portion of the book i was reading – i turned the book over to check i was reading the right thing, it seemed so unlikely… But more astonishing still, as i read the book, Don Juan started describing what i had just come to realise. He stated that depression comes from our energy body being damaged through the struggles of life. This depletion of energy causes a fissure in the luminous cocoon. The way we can overcome this – is he said by ‘not dwelling on the depression’ that is caused by the fissure.
There is a saying “energy flows where attention goes”, and in not paying attention to the gap, energy will eventually (if worked) come back. And when i say worked i mean through RECAPITULATION…..
A reliving of events – with the sweeping breathe; to recall the energy to the spot that has been depleted. This is as opposed to the circle of thinking about the depression which maintains the hole…. that was not only causing the depression but is in fact “The depression” itself.
With this process – i was reminded of a PING PONG ball that has a depression in it – not a hole as you see; but it has been dented – it is DENTED, it has a dwelling. its surface has become depressed…..How do you reverse the effect? – Well you get a hoover and suck the depression out – and then it pops and is WHOLE AGAIN… No longer depressed.
I read to the end of the chapter and fell asleep. I woke up sometime later in a hypnogogic state. I was awake but my body NOT. And i could see into the Spirit.
I looked out of the window to the tree that was my communal view, and there I SAW again a host of inorganic beings occupied each branch of this tall tree…. Like fireflies in the night ~
Lighting UP my mind……..
