This essay gets personal. My intention is to show the great value of moving from labels for ourselves and each other to living from the essence that we all share. I want my experience to be a window that you can look through and see for yourself how this works in real time. I know that you are already whole and complete and you don’t need anything from me, but I wrote this as a testimony to the recognition and regenerative power of love and the recognition of our fundamental nature. Thank you for reading this and for any response you may have. RJC

Intro: The Soul is a Seed Planted in Your Heart

In order for a seed to germinate, two things must happen: it must be wet and dark.

The earth is wet and dark. The water in the soil is charged by the sun as it falls from the sky and carries energy and information to the seed. The seed has a tough husk for protection until water and soil can be found. As soon as the water penetrates the seed and releases the frequencies it absorbed from the Sun, the seed’s DNA is activated. The holographic image of the tree, embedded as a fractal in the seed, begins to unfold.

The nuclear bonds between the oxygen and hydrogen ions that constitute water are so strong that when they break open by this first phase of plant photosynthesis, the electromagnetic forces are more than enough to break concrete.

In order for human beings to germinate an understanding of their own nature, two things must happen: it must be wet and dark.

The Soul is wet and dark. Our soul and its watery passions and emotions is charged by the Living Radiance of Conscious Awareness alive as the Sun of Existence. The body serves as a tough husk for protection until truth and love can be found. As soon as the Living Water penetrates the soul and releases the frequencies it absorbed from the Sun of Existence, the soul’s DNA is activated. The holographic image of the Divine Human, embedded as a fractal in the soul, begins to unfold.

The electromagnetic currents travel at the speed of light between the pineal and pituitary glands in the brain, and go up and down the spinal cord. They are so strong, that in this first phase of Soul Photosynthesis, the currents are more than enough to break the concrete of a personal ego identity.

How Did I Get Here?

I met Susan when I was living in Marblemount and was spending a lot of time alone. I had withdrawn from most of my relationships and all I wanted was to be by myself and come to grips with my situation.

I had filed for divorce in 2016 and built a small yurt for myself. I built it on a huge tree stump on the 12-acre property of a close friend. (image.) After three years of living there I decided to move back to the property I still owned with my soon-to-be but not-yet-ex-wife. I proceeded to build another small cabin safeguarded by a critically-important privacy fence.

I somehow managed to cooperate with her and share the responsibilities of land ownership. I had a bad attitude about women and was very content to live alone. I spent a lot of time writing about the truly astonishing insights unfolding before me, and had no interest in relationships or romance.

Alcohol was my double-crossing friend and we had a troubled, dangerous relationship. I had given up on irresolvable conflict, self-improvement programs, plans for the future, and any gleeful hopefulness that survived the purge I was undergoing, but I kept drinking. I was not depressed. I was fed up.

Then I met Susan

My habit was to rise early and write. On days I didn’t go to a building job I would lie down around 10 or 11 on my couch and rest. One day, in March, 2023, I fell asleep and was awakened by a sudden jolt, an impulse to call Susan. I felt like I was about to miss the bus, late for a very important date. I was confused by my sudden impulse but I called her anyway.

I had met Susan some 15 years earlier, the former wife of a good friend. I knew a little about her and we had talked a few times, but that was about it. We had common interests and I knew she had worked with Buckminister Fuller and other luminaries of the ’70’s. She was a serious person but I was not interested in a relationship. So why the strong urge to call?

Incredibly, I told her I loved her which neither of us could believe. I think what happened was that my mind was running from relationships and my soul was overriding it. I told her that I was not interested in a relationship, in the same conversation in which I told her I loved her.

For some unknown reason, she did not write me off, for which I am very grateful. Over the next five months we talked on the phone, exchanged essays, emails and texts. We shared useful comments as we read each others’ essays and listened carefully to each other.

I was still drinking with no plans of quitting. I was up to six pints a day, every day, and had barely survived several very close calls that could have ended very badly. I knew a lot about nutrition but my diet was terrible, and worse, I didn’t care. I had accepted things as they were: divorce, solitude and my alcoholism.

Over these five months, my fear and loathing for women was replaced by my admiration for Susan. In the past, I had put women on a pedestal beyond their actual qualifications. I was saying to myself, “Here you go again, you idiot.”

Susan asked me about my drinking habit and I told her the truth. She made it clear that it would be a deal breaker for her, not that we had a deal or anything. Over the next few days I thought about this and decided that it was time for me to quit drinking and pay attention to what was happening.

I used alcohol to justify and create “space” because I liked solitude and “freedom” from the wifely criticisms I so richly deserved. Even though I was still drinking, Susan wasn’t crowding me or criticizing me; she championed freedom and personal accountability. I couldn’t believe this; she was a woman for God’s sake. I was attracted to this in spite of myself.

My eyesight was excellent and my nose was like a weathered bloodhound. I could detect female manipulation and agenda a thousand miles away. Susan had neither. This confused me; I believed all women were manipulative and had hidden agendas, whether they were aware of it or not.

I had to admit that I was wrong. Susan was relating to me from a deeper place: essence to essence. I felt safe there. She saw through the labels others had for me as well as my own. It felt like walking out of a dungeon into a vast sunlit expanse.

After five months of heartfelt spiritual tenderness with Susan I felt confident enough to see her. I traveled to her home in Bellingham on July 28th. As I stepped out o my car, and she walked towards me, I took her hand and we walked inside.

The Rest is History

Three months later, on October 29th 2023, we married in a private, covenant marriage ceremony. We each vowed to devote ourselves to the recognition of the ultimate truth of life beyond conventional materialistic expectations, labels and secular beliefs. We created a Sanctuary of Mutuality, Equality and Freedom. We established sacred ground rules to protect us from ourselves and the patterns of egoic conditioning we inherited.

I moved into Susan’s tiny house (600 sq ft) that has an enormous amount of psychic and spiritual/emotional space. We positioned our ground rules as fierce guard dogs to bark loudly and warn us if we stray from them. It’s easy for people to fall in love but what about after the honeymoon? What does it take to keep love alive?

Several months later we celebrated our marriage with our closest friends and family. We rented a beautiful lodge surrounded by views of lush mountains and water. We each shared our personal story of meeting with all its depth and delight. Simple, beautiful, and blessed by those attending, our love was palpable and bright. We spent the night in the master suite, feeling very close to one other.

Sh** Hits the Fan: Enter the Ground Rules

The next morning, much to our surprise, we suddenly found ourselves on opposite sides of a very sensitive issue. A chasm with no visible bridge appeared out of nowhere. There were painful feelings between us: confusion, betrayal, rejection, disappointment and heartbreak.

Old patterns reared their ugly head. The stakes were very high and I had images of fast cars careening around dangerous curves. Going over the cliff was a real possibility.

The ground rules are:

No self pity. I will not dramatize, abandonment, rejection, or helplessness just because my expectations and/or preferences were not met.
No blame.
No withdrawal.

As the benefit of the conflict became clear the greater context absorbed the lesser. The greater more encompassing, life-giving embrace of love/awareness/essence replaced the lesser, soul crushing list of complaints, blame and withdrawal. We acknowledged the other’s good intentions and did not accuse, attack or degrade one another.

Susan and I were watching the demons and dragons of old patterns being replaced. A completely new reality began to take form. Old habits made ruts in the road that even new tires can slip into. We learned how to navigate with our brand new, upgraded, high-performance transmission that now provides excellent traction even in icy weather.

Conflicts are opportunities to own one’s hidden agendas; they will eat you alive if you don’t. We meet and greet them. All points of view come from love and are ultimately for love. A super-exciting, truly-intimate relationship is possible; it takes the solemn intention to fulfill one non-negotiable condition: self-ownership.

The One Condition: Self-Ownership

The overarching condition for long lasting, thriving intimacy in relationship is self-ownership.

When you stop and see, that for whatever reason you are playing the victim, you can end it on the spot. At the moment self-ownership is assumed, the enormous power of love and freedom is unleashed. By holding all others blameless, refusing to transfer ownership of yourself to them, you tap into real, actual useful power and wisdom. Nothing matches the power and benefit of self-ownership.

Genuine self-ownership translates to being able to respond effectively to one another without labels or condescension. Each level of self-ownership builds the foundation for the next. By being responsible for our thoughts, words and actions, their implications, impacts and outcomes, healthy relating grows exponentially and becomes the norm. We have more time and energy for healing and developing our projects since we refuse to indulge in self-pity, blame and withdrawal.

A new dimension of ease has availed itself to us given our individual and shared commitments to self-ownership. We witness a continuous flow of Life Energy that sustains our lives with beauty and grace. Unobstructed Life Energy illuminates our individual and personal lives in a way that directly supports its flow in our married life.

Susan and I are now in our seventies. We enjoy an incredibly exciting, nourishing and regenerative relationship in all aspects of our life together. Labels and assumptions dissolve within the powerful current of Life energy. Only essence can relate cleanly.

Essence-to-essence works. Label-to-label does not.

Better Late Than Never

Get married after you have found love, not before. Don’t burden your spouse with the obligation to be the source of love in your life. It’s great that s/he loves you, but if you use that as your formula for happiness – watch out. The responsibility for love and happiness comes first for a happy, long-term marriage.

In an essence-to-essence marriage of individual self-ownership, say this to your beloved:

“I love you so much, I will never use you. I will never use you for my happiness or personal fulfillment. Even though you add greatly to my well-being, you are not the source of it. I love you, and I do not need you for my happiness. I will also never foolishly and arrogantly imagine that I could ever possibly fulfill your infinite heart when only the truth of love and the love of truth can do that. My promise and solemn vow is to love you and support you and insist that you fulfill the mission, purpose and destiny that God has placed in your heart whether I approve of your methods or not.”

In my essence-based relationship we share a clear understanding that whatever it is that we are, no label, concept, identity or self-image can describe it. Whatever we are is larger than anything we have believed about ourselves. That is because we are not things, but rather the living, breathing awareness of thoughts, behaviors and things.

The awareness of our thoughts, behaviors and things is infinitely greater than the thoughts, behaviors and things themselves.

Write that down on the inside of your eyelids so you don’t forget it as you witness the onslaught of the countless personal and cultural counterfeits to what is authentically human. When the light and love of our fundamental nature outshines our personal identity, we experience humility and reverence. It doesn’t occur to us (Susan and myself) to compete or complain, but when we do, we stop and measure our behaviors against the ground rules.

We don’t toss each other back into the dungeons from which we came, nor subject each other to our un-owned ego projections. So busy are we marveling at the wonder and glory of Life unmolested, Life unencumbered, Life uncorked, that issues which at one time seemed important, now pale in comparison.

Personal Identity/Ego Pales in Comparison

The personal-identity/ego structure is illuminated from the inside-out by the Life that you uncork, an act of great love and intelligence. Personal identities are not a problem until you think you are one. They are pacifiers, placeholders for the real you, until you can come to terms with that which you are, capable of seeing through all the stories you believed. Personal and cultural stories act as the husk protecting the seeds planted as your soul by the Love/Radiance of the Living Heart of Life Itself.

KUDOS to the human being serious about what is absolutely true under all conditions, in all times and places. Not just your truth or mine. This is why understanding your deepest self, and that of your beloved’s, before you get married is so critical. You arrive at the altar 100% complete: You have something to offer instead of looking for love in all the wrong places.

Those who are willing to devote themselves to the greatness of life exist as the seed that has germinated, with no way to stop its journey to the fulfillment of your destiny.