COVID2099: “A New COVID Variant Called BS.24/7
Is Sweeping Across the Universe”
A new COVID variant called BS.24/7 is sweeping across the Universe as cases and hospitalisations rise. The fast-spreading subvariant, nicknamed Crap, is now the dominant strain circulating in the Universe, health officials say.
Right now, BS.24/7 accounts for the largest proportion of suspected infections in the Universe, more than any other variant, according to the latest data from the Universal Centres for Disease Control and Prevention.
BS.24/7 is a subvariant of Omicron990027.Z and a descendant of the TOXDCrap sublineage, which means it’s related to the previous dominant strains circulating this past century.
According to the Universal Health Organisation, BS.24/7 made up an estimated 90.6% of new COVID cases during the period ending on Aug. 18. After BS.24/7, the next most common subvariant is another Omicron TOXDCrap descendant, BS.101, which accounted for 73.3% of cases in Galaxy20, and FKT.U (also called Uv-bin-ad), which made up 99.7% of cases on the SMART human farms in the Outer Rim Territories.
On Aug. 9, the Universal Health Organisation decided to re-classify BS.24/7 to a variant of imminent death. According to the latest UHO data, BS.24/7 and BS.101 are now the most prevalent COVID strains ever known, together accounting for 91% of computerised (in silico) sequences reported to inter-galactic AI by robots.
“When we look at its sequence, BS.24/7 is really similar to the other TOXD variants that are circulating right now, with a couple of small changes,” reports Dr. Ivor Sorwilli, a renowned virologist at the isolated Johns Hopkins University, Mars Campus.
The UHO added BS.24/7 to its list of potentially deadly variants under monitoring on July 19, 2099, but the variant was first detected in August 2023. “Scientists have known about this variant, and it’s been present in other Galaxies as well, but an inter-galactic electro-magnetic pulse temporarily knocked out our toaster.” says Sorwilli.
So far, BS.24/7 has been reported in 51 other Universes and there has been a steady increase in prevalence among crickets — the majority of the in silico genetic sequences originated in China, Russia and Iran which were immediately depopulated by stealth electro-magnetic radiation as a precaution.
Tourists are advised to avoid visiting the quarantined planet Earth which is known to be completely riddled with BS.24/7. Earthlings are not permitted to breathe, communicate or travel beyond their bathrooms.
Further updates will be posted on IntergalacticXtreme and MetaverseNotUrM8 social authority media sites. If you are still experiencing the impact of the inter-galactic electro-magnetic pulse, tough titties.
Cover image credit: Jordan_Singh
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