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from blind spots to relationships of trust
by Susan Boskey
As a species we are going through a lot. All I have to do is hear about yet another public explosion of violent rage to further confirm my suspicion of just how crazy things have become. Horrific physical crimes are visited upon unsuspecting people while the emotional abuse of deceit, denial and domination is so common that it has practically become the norm.
One of my personal top priorities is to increase skill in navigating, and hopefully positively impacting difficult situations as they arise. For me life is all about relationship: relationship with myself, others, Earth, animals and plants. As the dark side of things seems to keep escalating, I am tasked with looking inward to assess my own part in the problem.
Though many point to the mounting dark side ‘out there’, I have come to realize fewer will point the finger back to themselves to own their part. As a seemingly self-contradictory factoid, I believe that all human beings have blind spots that manifest uniquely as shortcomings while, at the same time, each human being is also blessed with at least one amazing natural gift. We have both.
The Problem with Identity
Today’s politics of identity add to the craziness. Who am I is the gender question of the day. For many, “Wokism” and its list of pronouns has elevated emotional and physical violence as judgments fly in every direction. As a result awareness of one’s blind spots and shortcomings are more taboo than ever.
In any culture I believe that children generally become conditioned to behave according to the beliefs (spoken and unspoken) assumed by their family. Whenever a perceived threat to one’s self-image is sensed the ego can puff up, defend itself and lie if necessary. At all cost we must hide, bury and/or deny our shortcomings because shortcomings=bad/wrong – right? No blame. I include myself.
The problem of blind spots showing up as shortcomings is not that they exist but rather the denial of them. I see how denial plays out as dark dramas from the accusative personal argument to world wars. The question becomes: how does someone make a dent in such a ginormous collective blind spot that now has the power to bite us in the collective butt?
I believe that when a multiplier of deceit, denial and domination runs rampant and is accepted cultural M.O. (Modus Operandi), it is because as a species we continue to fail to make truth more important than a shiny public image of ourselves, a commercial venture or of our country. Why do so many just go along with this approach to life?
If world peace were to unfold as a collective reality, politics will not be the reason why. Politics is a human subset and not the other way around. Our inner-most understanding of who we are as human beings, our thoughts, behaviors, integrity or lack thereof, is what shapes politics. The darkness we see out there is the darkness I believe that remains unaddressed within. To uproot the proliferation of hate and violence begins within.
I would also argue that historical, religious and cultural expectations of human perfection cause unintended social consequences; it is difficult for people to be honest with themselves and others if they feel ashamed. Is the propensity to hide certain parts of ourselves natural or learned? At any rate I think that such behavior is costly to society.
The Lie of Perfection Exposed
I don’t know about you, but I’ve yet to cross paths with a perfect human being. I would say we are perfectly imperfect. So where do we go from here? For myself I acknowledge: 1) how cultural conditioning can work against the vitality and success of a human being, and 2) how important it is to recognize the conditioning, accept it and find new, healthier ways of being.
Commercial interests gladly capitalize on the perfection ideology. My theory is that the innate need of survival in society directs people to buy-into whatever they believe might provide it for them. Has perfection in physical form become a blind obsession?
Repurposed people are those who recognize their truest identity as being of a spiritual nature. They are present inwardly, remembering who they are, while navigating life’s challenging circumstances in new and healthier ways. Repurposed people share the same purpose: to be and stay connected with their higher power and to be a quiet actor sharing unconditional love. They do what they can to be of service whenever they can, in big and small ways and according to their culture. Repurposed people seek to make a positive impact in the lives of others.
The task for restoring sanity to nature and humanity as I see it is to commit to being “in the world but not of it”. In other words it is to practice the Golden Rule, which is known throughout cultures in most every language. Millions of repurposed people already exist given the various ways to tap into the eternally loving frequency of God. For them the precepts of the spiritual realm have become energetically accessible as ‘downloadable’, understandable and integratable in daily life.
Recovery from Adversity
A strategy to recover from adversity (which includes trauma) is called adaptive resilience. It can also help to develop skills of emotional intelligence, something I believe to be very important nowadays. For my entire life I have sought answers to the question of how can we humans just get along, only to discover it must begin within me.
Recovery from adversity invites the use of strategies and tools to facilitate access to one’s inner reality. Inner work is a kind of practice to refresh our outlook on life and increase interpersonal skill. My own focus on emotional intelligence has helped me become more aware of when I act contrary to my true feeling or thought in any given moment – my own insincerity – if you will. I ask myself why do I do that?
I suggest that emotional intelligence, a valuable human asset, can also serve as a portal to spiritual reconnection, and that which follows it: new awareness, more well-being. less self-doubt and self- judgment. As I become aware of the truth of what I am thinking or feeling, I also drop into acceptance. Acceptance helps me to not beat myself up over what I had not wanted to know about myself. Letting go of what no longer serves me happens in its own time.
Letting go expands the receptivity of my body and mind to receive the energetic input of my higher power. Since nature abhors a vacuum, unconditional love fills newly released inner dysfunctions. What I’m describing is difficult to put into words because it is experiential.
It is my contention that virtually anyone can recover from adversity (if they really want to) by seeking their higher power. The opening that happens by our own effort of inner awareness and acceptance allows genuine letting go. The higher Self gradually and naturally replaces inner confusion and darkness with the light of love that has always been there as our birthright.
Below is my idea of a roadmap and never-ending cycle that only gets better if applied.
The secret is that awareness is not woo-woo. Awareness is the private inner telling of the truth to myself at any-given moment. The truth of what I am thinking and/or feeling in my body and heart is my natural integrity. Feelings and thoughts move through me; I am not stuck with that which I’d rather not know about myself. With awareness what is to happen next naturally unravels by grace.
With each passing day I can more easily witness how I think, feel and behave in the world.
The courage to see my own layers of deceit, denial and domination expand in proportion to the love I feel in my body.
Acceptance grows along with my awareness of any given new truth I realize within myself, especially of an uncomfortable truth. I own it and don’t judge or condemn myself.
Letting go is the natural response to my willingness to accept a part of myself I previously hid from awareness.
The more I am willing to see the layers of my dark side, the more they peel off and the more love I feel in my body. Fear falls away and I am sincerely grateful.
When I am present knowing that who I am is connected directly to a divine power, thoughts and emotions lose control over me. My ability to respond to myself and others with empathy increases. One-by-one a more beautiful world I know in my heart, comes into existence.
Just about anyone can make the choice to unearth and recognize the unencumbered human of unconditional love within. The dark side of the world transforms and dissolves in proportion to the number of people who consciously choose to fill their body and mind with the light and love of God/Source Energy. The peeling away of layers of hidden-from-ourselves-darkness is a process capable of catalyzing the return to a life of grace personally and collectively.
I renew my dedication to being the best version of myself possible because pure love is meant to be shared. People want to be seen and heard. Finally, it occurs to me to ask, what is our individual responsibility for knowing and spreading love and goodwill?
https://pixabay.com/illustrations/women-sad-desperate-sea-ocean-6949086/ Ralf Seeman